Testimony - Chapter 1

The story of the last year of our lives has been one of major ups and downs (and lots of just so-so times in between), but ultimately it is a story about the Lord. It is a story about hurting and healing, questions and peace. It's also a little long, so here's Chapter one. :)

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In the Spring of 2007, Tyson and I decided that we were ready to be parents, and that we would start trying to get pregnant at the beginning of that summer. We also decided at that point that we didn't want to tell people around us about this decision. We didn't want the pressure/questions about it, and then when we got pregnant, it would just be a fun surprise for our friends and family. So I went off of birth control at the end of May. A month later, I had a period, so that meant we were unsuccessful. Maybe my expectations were too high, but I was a little disappointed that day. Oh well, better luck next time. :)

But the next month I was late, and I was excited! Maybe this is it! So I took a test...negative. Well, maybe it's too early. So, two weeks later, I took another test...also negative. OK, so I'm not pregnant, but I'm also not having a period. This is weird. During this time, Tyson and I (along with the HUGE help of his family) were completely redoing our master bathroom. It was very busy and stressful, so I just figured that I was late because of stress. July, August, and September went by...nothing. Realizing now that it is probably something other than stress, I set up an appointment with my doctor.

October 4th of 2007 was my appointment. My doctor did several tests and drew blood, and told me they would call with my blood test results in a couple of days. They called later that week and said that my blood work showed an imbalance of hormones that indicated polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). I had never heard of this unexplainable, incurable illness before, but the nurse told me that there were several treatments available (including fertility drugs), and that I shouldn't worry. Riiiight. At the time, I had a very emotional reaction to the thought of taking fertility drugs. I wasn't sure where it came from or what caused that feeling, but I knew that I did not want to take that route. Now I know that was the Lord speaking to my heart, but not letting my mind in on the secret. :)

Here began a time of confusion for me. I wanted to be hopeful, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. I wanted to believe that we would have a child, but I couldn't ignore the fact that so many couples try unsuccessfully for years to get pregnant. I hadn't given up hope, but the thought had crossed my mind, "I may never be pregnant and have a child of my own." It was tough to reconcile all of those thoughts while feeling that it is the Lord's will for us to have children.

Not knowing what step to take next, we just waited it out for a few months. That November, we made a visit to Tyler to visit family, but also to visit our friends (Team Arequipa) who are now in Peru. Our friend Greg taught our class at church that Sunday, and just happened to teach about Hannah. I had one particular "Hannah" night not too long before that where I just wept to the Lord about my infertility. I think most people would say, "How funny that he taught about Hannah when you guys were going through the same thing." I say that the Lord provided that class for us as reassurance and hope that we would have a child just like Hannah did, however unlikely it seemed at the time.


...Chapter 2 to come...